Lighting the Path Less Taken

Hon.........

Can you PULL OUT of "yourself"??? I feel you sinking into a black hole.

You're making me think of the old series -- STAR TREK and how they had to use all their power to pull out of a black hole.

Crazy, eh????

My logical mind understands that I have been affected by chemicals, I physically cannot do what I did a week ago, I will heal, and it is ok to take time off.

My emotional mind is utterly in complete blackness, no desire to do anything, worthless because I can't do things that are simple, feeling trapped and smothered, and feeling very old and like there is really no reason to try to change anything.... I should just accept what I chose in the past and deal with it.....eventually I will die and maybe get to come back and screw it up again.....ugh....

This being human stinks....
q23

Oh Cats, Owl we are here for you. Let it out q13

We can take it q13

and it does help to let things out. q10

We have all had those bad times and having someone to talk to or vent with helps. Love you two q18

Cheryl

Well I am fine now..... so I am sending all sorts of love and light to OWL in hopes that she can find a little bit of goodness in her life.....

q13

I knew what had happened and had to ride it out thank god it was short lived and those stupid pain pills have a rather short half life..... I'm also feeling well enough to get out and walk a couple easy miles... still not working out yet but that will come soon enough......

I also sat down listed every single thing I was grateful for and every blessing in my life and slowly chased off the black cloud..........

I am so loved and have so many blessings I just must remind myself...... I have a great life, and so much more to come.

I had a very in my face dream....... I was driving a jeep ( the one I want

) up a very steep incline and it was about to stall .... I had to decide to either stall and go backwards or step on the gas and keep climbing to whatever was up there........ I stepped on the gas and then woke up.....

and then there is the other repeat theme in my dreams this week q25

the green lantern.....

after this phrase appeared in a dream for the 3rd night I googled it.... guess it was a popular comic...who knew....and I do know there is a restaurant by this name down at the ocean.... q25

will see if it appears again tonite as I am still not quite getting that one....

Oh Cats and Owl....lots of love comin.

Odd dreams have been the norm again...... still no idea what some of them mean, maybe just a way for my mind to let go of things......

I dreamt the other night that everyone left me and this time I was alone and unwanted and very sad....... which is weird because usually my dreams where I am alone I am also content q25

that feeling of being unwanted is an old old one goes way back to when my father left..... but I have made peace with that or thought I did q25

last night was just a jumble of many dreams but I awoke as I was helping a pharmacist dispense medications.....ok whatever q25

weird dreams q25

.......would much rather just have erotic dreams

so so much simpler to figure those out q21

Have you ever seen a fish out of water how it gasps and flops and flips around...... I feel like that a lot....not sure why but that image pops into my head when I get frustrated.... I am a gasping fish out of water so please throw me back and soon..... unfortunately I think the situation is now permanent and I am going to have to figure out how to breathe in this new environment......well if polliwogs can do it I guess so can I.... q21

Aye tadpole, you can do it.

When all else fails there is always hair dye..... q12

when life gets me down dying my hair seems to cheer me up.....and....

I need to look for a better job so I suppose I need to get rid of the "pink" streaks ...trying blonde again....we will see how this works out... q21

if I hate it I can always just pick a new color....lets see maybe black next time

for some reason the hubby does not like the idea of black, yet he loves it when I dye it dark chocolate cherry (looks kinda purple on me) or burgundy that also looks kinda purple....

Hey I might even post a pic of the results as my sister is here (yay) and she is a photographer.... q21

OH hell looks like I will be looking for another color......did not get rid of the pink q12

anyone want to weigh in on what dark color my hair should be

I liked the blonde

Well it will stay like this for a bit.....unless I get a job offer in the next week...lol....will hopefully have some pics to post after tomorrow.....

I cannot wait q15

Well in typical northwest style it poured rain.....and like the doofus that I am I forgot my camera...so no pictures...it did clear up enough to go for a short walk on the beach and we watched some surfers try to catch a wave...didn't see much success...

So today sis took kiddo off my hands for a few days q22

parents got the house to themselves q14

I went down into town and joined a gym and actually used the equipment today..and the pool....it was great.....I am in love with the eliptical machine...way cooler than a treadmill...... I seriously need a new swimsuit though.... q12

never thought I'd be complaining that my swimsuit is too big... q48

off to put more paint on a wall.....

q15