A Funny :)

mia · A Funny :)

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable
level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny.
(I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last...
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

herding cats

Sage/Debs

and people wonder why I don't fly! q25

the hermit

Even at Halloween ?

Sage/Debs

I fly meself, Hermie, on the wings of great energy but not an airplane!!! Nope not me...unless I could be sedated..then maybe cuz I would so love to cross over the pond and hug a few dear ones!

the hermit

I have not flown in 35 years
And that was in a plane without jet engines
To an oil field in Iran
Now that does show my age

Sulis

thats at the jokes

:q29::q29::q29::q29::q29::q29:

thats at your age q28

Sulis

only kidding q13

loves ya really really i do

the hermit

Collect you nightie on the way out
You naughty girl

woodnldy

Ive only flown twice And those were to and from my father in laws funeral. My state of mind at that time weren't up to enjoying it at all. My dad was a pilot in his younger days. Oh mom could tell stories about them buzzing all over south texas in their little two seater ,open cockpit, plane.

I would dearly love to fly to england sometime and see the beautiful sights there.

Ah, everyone needs a dream,perhaps someday

of course there are maby places in our own USA that I would still love to go. q22

a well
Love and Blessings to all
Cheryl

BooBoo

Have flown more times than I can count........(no math jokes please)

But when you live on one side of the country, and there's family on the opposite coast, flying is the fastest option. (Have driven several times too!)

Interestingly, with every take off and landing, I always tell the loved one(s) that I'm with that I love them and we all hold hands........"just incase".....

the hermit

First from Holland
Second to Japan
Third from Holland
Fourth to Iran
Then a 35 year gap

hehehe

Sage/Debs

Time for a new trip Hermie! Bring the Mrs to the hollow!

Sulis

your only kidding, right? q25

the hermit

I don't think so Sulis

Lady In Red

I've never flown either..Not that I was afraid to or anything (that I know of) but the opportunity has just never really come up..

the hermit

Soon be the 31st of october

Lady In Red

LOL..Are you telling me that I can fly then??

the hermit

Close your eyes
And fly through your mind
Let your thoughts go free

You can go anywhere
And be anything

Sage/Debs

herding cats

the hermit

mia

Talking about flying, what o you make of this.

I meditate, I am on my unicorn, Geronimo is on his pony, we fly, he a little in front on my left, but, we go nowhere.

My mind always drifts off at that point????

Why???

Sage/Debs

You travel somewhere..travel is not always measured in distance my friend...look beyond.

mia

I understand you.
When my mind drifts, I mean I think of other things, and I am conscious of this, I am not meditating, so I go back.
I am on my uni, G on his pony, we fly, and once again I am thinking of something else. Like my mum, holiday, dinner, a conversation.
grrr

Sage/Debs

All a natural part of the mediation traveling Hon. I am not one who says "clear you mind!" I prefer to let the debris of days and nites travel thru the mind, then let them go, you see then it was good to look then move forward on the uni to what lies beyond distraction.

mia

ok, I accept that :)